twitter 101 training We have all seen them.  The twitter clueless. The tweeps who refuse to accept Twitter or social media for what it is and what it is not. I am not talking about the newbies who are still learning. I am referencing the folks who have been to the classes, read the blogs yet still refuse to accept Twitter is not a copycat of their hard copy corporate brochure from 1987 broke into fifty 140 character segments.

If you work with B2B clients in any area of marketing, strategy, brand, or social media you have probably had similar discussions to what I am about to share in this post.

I am not trying to beat a broken record. In all reality I like writing blog posts to not only share with my beloved and awesome regular readers like you, but also to have as a reference to send clients, partners and of course the guy at the meat counter at Publix Grocery Store.

I have written many posts on what TO DO on Twitter such as “21 Tips to Get Your Tweet on,”   “CEO's Repeat After Me, We are Not Afraid to Tweet,” and “10 Tips to Get the Twitter Conversation Started.

If you are wondering what Twitter is and is not, here are the top 26 things that Twitter is not.

 

26 Things Twitter is Not

1. Twitter is not a medium to share the website content you wrote for your flash based website that matched your printed collateral for the annual shareholder meeting back in 1992.

2. Twitter is not a medium for you to hire a transcriptionist to break your content from 1987 down into 140 character segments for tweeting over the next five years.

3. Twitter is not the best medium to vent about your boyfriend, mom or terrible boss. If you feel the need to vent, head straight to the water cooler and do NOT take your smartphone loaded with TweetDeck or Hootsuite!

4. Twitter does not give you eyes in the top of your forehead when you are driving. Put down the phone and keep your dang eyes on the road. I am sickened by the people I see texting, tweeting while driving in rush hour traffic.

5. Twitter is not what you should be doing at a red light while in your car.  I am proof of this as I was recently rear ended by a woman who was texting and driving. Yes, I was sitting at a red light minding my own business. Luckily since I saw her coming I was able to drive forward a little bit to avoid a worse crash. Note, both of our cars were still totaled!

6. Twitter is not a replacement for family engagement time. Put down the phones and talk to one another, even if the other person is in the other room!

7. Twitter is not a self promotion tool. Spend more time giving the social love and helping others than you do bragging about yourself.

8. Twitter is not a piece of collateral. No, your tweet timeline does not need to look neat and perfect. It's a conversation and should look as such.

9. Twitter is not designed in a way that those new to it “get it” and can easily understand why the tweet timeline shouldn't look like a perfectly laced table at Grandma's house.

10.  Twitter is not the best tool to yell at someone.

11. Twitter is not private, not even in a TweetChat.  Even though you may be filtering your tweets using a tool such as TweetChat, the tweets are still public. What happens on Twitter goes public forever.

12. Twitter is not to be used as a conversation agent if you are a compulsive liar. Don't blame it on the tool, go see a doctor. Your multiple lives are eventually going to catch up with you, sorry.

13. Twitter is not the right medium to decide you want to “be real” at 2 am while at the bar on Saturday night. If you are using Twitter for business remember there are probably current clients, propsective clients and partners who may read your tweets the next morning. I have had numerous leads come to us due to the unethical way several local Twitter peeps behave. They said they watched tweet streams for weeks before making a decision.

14. Twitter is not the right medium to go silent if you are afraid of #13.  Going silent after being loud for a period of time can also be a problem. You need to find a balance.

15. Twitter is not the place to hang out if you are scared to death of sharing information.

16. Twitter is not the place to hang out if you don't like people.

17. Twitter is not a medium where being on the sidelines will benefit you. Get in the game. Join the conversation or don't bother.

18. Twitter is not a medium designed to spend all all day asking for people to “like” you on Facebook or get linked with you on LinkedIn.  If people “like” you they will click like, don't worry.

19.  Twitter is not the medium to post the same boring quotes, blog posts and tips every day. At least come up with something new and relevant.

justin bieber in Ulta20.  Twitter is not the medium to grab the attention to arrange the marriage of Justin Bieber and your daughter. Sorry, chances of you getting a high return on your tweets are not high. You're better off going to Ulta like I did and simply taking a photo of Justin next to his new perfume and fooling your kids into thinking you really saw Justin (like I did!) 🙂

21. Twitter is not the medium to beg for non-profit donations. Instead engage with real people who have a genuine interest in your cause. If they want to donate, they will.

22. Twitter is not the medium to post all your dirty secrets all day and night about where you live, what you're wearing, what time you're leaving, who you're leaving with, who is with you, how drunk you got and when you got home and then complaining that you have a stalker.

23. Twitter is not a safe place where you can say and do anything you want with no fear of anyone using the information in a negative way. Yes there are creepers and competitors who will watch you, listen to you and steal your good ideas. Get use to it. Facebook, LinkedIn and every other platform is the same way.

24. Twitter is not the same as Google+.  I am yet to figure out how to have a real 1:1 conversation on Google+ without having to post a post copying only the single person I want to talk with. Then to see the response or the person to see my post they either have to visit my profile wall or happen to see the notification in their gmail inbox that is now already cluttered with the other Google+ notifications and spam from peeps who now have your email.

25. Twitter is not the best medium to get out of doing the dishes, doing the laundry, mowing the lawn or feeding the kids. Eventually everyone needs to eat, the kitchen needs cleaned and the clothes get stinky.

26.  Twitter is not an excuse to miss work, ditch school or lay in bed all day with your iPhone.  Even if your eyes are blood shot, your head hurts and your fingers are numb get out of bed and get a life!

Your Turn

What are some of the funniest things you have seen people do or not do on Twitter? What Twitter truths can you add to this list?