25 Signs You’re a Social Media Tool Bag!

photodune 1632677 practical joke xs 25 Signs Youre a Social Media Tool Bag!

We’ve all seen them. The people who preach all day about quality over quantity and relationships yet they buy followers, fans and tweet 500-1000 auto tweets a day.

Call them fake, tool bags, trying to get by. Call them whatever ya’ want it doesn’t really matter. They fool a few people with their fake social proof. That is, until they do the double click. Eventually the truth usually comes out and the smoke and mirrors are revealed. If not, those who believe usually become a clone of them.

It’s been a long time since I wrote a post of this sort. I figured, what the heck, it’s Saturday. So here ya’ have it. The top 25 signs you are a social media tool bag.

Don’t take me uber serious on this post. Don’t throw rotten vegetables at me or leave me spam comments. This post is meant to be fun while educating at the same time. If it rubs ya’ wrong, then maybe you should think about your actions. Or of course you can just continue to ignore them. Though I know you’ll probably think about them, won’t you!? icon wink 25 Signs Youre a Social Media Tool Bag!

25 Signs You are a Social Media Tool Bag

1. You buy fake followers or fans of any sort. Fake followers and fans are robots. They do not have real friends. They do not eat, sleep, breath, read, share, pin, post or own a credit card. They are not fans so accept that fact, please!

2. Even worse than #1 above, you include your fake follower count in press releases, keynote speaches and your blog or agency description.

3. You post a profile photo of you at your high school graduation even though you are now 40 and have 4 kids.

4. You have fake social accounts just so you can act like and be a troll. Remember, there are such things as IP addresses that will identify you. You are not as sneaky as you think.

5. You don’t practice what you preach. You tweet and preach quality over quantity yet you auto tweet 24 hours a day even on weekends and holidays. You tweet 400-700 auto tweets a day yet you call this quality? Seriously?

6. You tweet your “how to raise your Klout score” post every day at least 3 times a day.

7. Your auto tweet schedule is so messed up that you tweet links to posts with recommendations for tools that don’t exist. Your links are broken, people tell you such publicly yet you tweet them again the next day.

8. You constantly post fill in the blank questions on Facebook to raise your edgerank score. They are questions like “name the soft drink that doesn’t have a letter E in it.”

9. You reply to fill in the blank questions listed in #8 above via your business page account to increase your Klout score.

10. Your LinkedIn profile is stuffed with the words “social media” and “social media keynote speaker” 100 times so you can come up in search.

11. You spend at least $1,000 a month on social media tools yet you have no clients. Most of them are purchased to help you mange all of your auto tweeting and engagement which in turn raises your influence score. See a theme here folks?

12. You tag the max number of people on Facebook with every image or post so that you can raise your influence score and edgerank.

13. Half of your day is spent on activities that increase your influence score versus providing real value to your audience and community.

14. You thank every person that follows, pins, likes your Facebook page, favorites a tweet, or waves at you in the car so you can increase your Klout score. You’re smart enough to know most influence scores can be increased by engaging with a higher percentage of your followers over time, so you play this one up by pretending you are Mr or Mrs thankful 24 / 7!

15. You record vine videos from the driver seat of your car. Seriously folks? Is a 6 second vine video recording your trip to Dunkin Donuts for a coffee really that important?

16. You retweet every person who tweets one of your blog posts. This in turn increases the number of retweets on your blog so that you have solid, provable social proof, right? So basically, your tweet number on your blog posts is in reality half of what it shows if you are doing this.

17. You setup fake Facebook and Twitter accounts so you can like, retweet and share your own content.

18. You blatantly copy your competitors service descriptions but forget to remove the links they had embedded. We actually had this happen to us. Yes, it was quite amusing when the other “self proclaimed top agency” found out they had made the mistake AND we busted them.

19. Blatantly copy others original content and even have the guts to have it syndicated on other sites. When busted you claim fair use, that is until the attorneys get involved.

20. You auto tweet into every tweet chat known to twitter man at the last 10 minutes with a few famous quotes. Your only goal is to show up on the transcripts and get some retweets. Even though you preach relationships you could care less about the real people participating and adding value in the chats.

21. You pick fights with people you don’t know on Twitter for no reason but to get tweets and attention. Don’t fool yourself, we see you from a mile away. That’s why most of us don’t respond to you.

22. You check into stop lights all over town, intersections and made up businesses so you can earn badges on Foursquare. Sometimes you even share your mayorship to Twitter. Seriously?

23. You send me spam emails within 30 minutes of me accepting your invitation to connect on LinkedIn.

24. You opt-in to an email list to receive free stuff and immediately opt out and copy / paste the information obtained to your own blog.

25. You refuse to share this list as you know you are guilty.

 

What You Say? 

Are you a social media tool bag? If yes, there is hope. Get in the head of your customer. Quit focusing on your influence score. Focus on value to your audience, how you can help them solve problems. Do you know a social media tool bag? What other behaviors do you notice that make you laugh? Drive you crazy?

About the Author

Pam Moore

*Forbes Top 10 Social Media Women, Forbes top 50 Social Media Power Influencer - CEO / founder of Marketing Nutz, full service social brand, digital marketing agency. Social media marketing speaker, author, strategist, consultant, coach, & trainer. I help businesses of all size integrate social media into the DNA of their business, connect with target audiences to nurture authentic customer relationships. 15+ years experience working with Fortune 500, Franchised corporations with 4000+ local franchises to entrepreneurs and startups!

  • http://www.HarmonyNZ.net/ Lynn Abate-Johnson

    OMG, this is awesome, Pam!! too funny (and unfortunately, i have seen examples of most of these “tool” behaviors….especially the few i connect with on LinkedIn who started spamming me sales messages within minutes of accepting their invites…geesh! i didn’t even KNOW you could thank people for repins – but #14 hit home with me because as much as i try to thank/acknowledge follows and RTs, etc on Twitter, i sometimes fall way behind (can’t keep up). so, i WISH i could be a more prolific “thank-er” (not a wanker – hahahaha!).
    I think the funniest one was #18 where you actually caught someone who plagiarized you, using your own imbedded links – talk about “instant karma”, eh? Great post. thanks and yes, i am absolutely sharing ;-)

    • http://www.pammarketingnut.com PamMktgNut

      So glad you liked it @lynnabatejohnson:disqus! Thanks so much for all the shares of this post!

      I fall behind on thanking folks too. However, we know our audience would rather us be REAL vs playing the numbers. I thank when I can thank, period. Often times when I fall behind I will send a couple tweets thanking everyone. I have never had a complaint.

      The best way to get a response from me on Twitter or any social network for that matter is to make me laugh, think or learn!

      • http://www.HarmonyNZ.net/ Lynn Abate-Johnson

        same here, Pam. laughing, thinking, learning, each and every day….
        and then you follow up with another great post today…it’s so great that i was compelled to watch your awesome “What We Believe” vid again. nice one :-) I dig your style. lots of love from NorCal.

  • Chris Haught

    Hahaha, you nailed it! #7 is my peeve, I can keep a calendar by some Tweeters!

    • http://www.pammarketingnut.com PamMktgNut

      Amen @chrishaught:disqus. You & me both. Far too many out there doing such.

  • Fiona 유웃

    Funny post :) actually with a few tips in there! But I will use this knowledge for good, not evil! ;)

    • http://www.pammarketingnut.com PamMktgNut

      Awesome, glad you liked it @disqus_BaMJEUnYXj:disqus!

  • http://www.kayakonlinemarketing.com/ Randy Milanovic

    Shared on inbound.org. THX Pam! By the way, I was horrified to learn being thankful was a no no. :-(

    • http://www.pammarketingnut.com PamMktgNut

      Being thankful is definitely not a no no! It’s all in how it’s done & personal choice. Depends on size of your audience, goals of your efforts and how your audience responds to you.

      • http://www.kayakonlinemarketing.com/ Randy Milanovic

        Phew! :-)

        • http://b2bdigital.net/ Eric Wittlake

          @kayakonlinemarketing:disqus Saying thanks is definitely ok! The problem I have is that many thanks are self-serving in two ways:

          1) Increasing my tweet count (as Pam pointed out).
          2) Promoting myself by showing you thought my post was worth sharing.

          It’s #2 that gets me riled up. When someone does it with my tweet, my first thought is they don’t really want to thank me, they just want a reason to promote themselves more.

          @PamMktgNut:disqus Thanks for the laughs!

    • http://www.pammarketingnut.com PamMktgNut

      thanks so much for the share btw! :)

  • http://www.marianhobson.com Marian Hobson

    VALUE!
    Made me laugh, not tried some but have seen people do them!
    I LOVE good content!

    • http://www.pammarketingnut.com PamMktgNut

      Glad I made you laugh! That was a top goal w/this piece! ;)

  • http://www.iheavy.com/blog/ Sean Hull

    Wow you sound really upset! lol I just ignore all the nonsense profiles. :-)

    • http://www.pammarketingnut.com PamMktgNut

      Ha, not upset at all. Just having fun. We ignore them too but some of them are in our very inner circles it’s not so easy to ignore ;)

      • http://www.iheavy.com/blog/ Sean Hull

        lol ah ok. :-)

  • http://www.bridiestypingservices.com/ Bridie Jenner

    Number 8, number 8 – I cringe every time I see that in my news feed!

    Number 23 is a PITA too – I’ve often immediately disconnected with people who felt the need to spam me.

    I do thank everyone for RTs (when they show up in my Hootsuite mentions that is!) as I think it’s polite, but I don’t bother with Klout et al, they seem pretty pointless to me.

    • http://www.pammarketingnut.com PamMktgNut

      I thank folks for RTs too when I can, just not every single of one of them or that is all I would do and my feed would be non-useful ;)

  • http://www.RobynsOnlineWorld.com/ Robyn Wright

    LOVE LOVE LOVE this list!!!!!

  • Elizabeth Traub

    I love this. I really love this. I am going to be sharing all over town.

  • Michelle Spear

    too funny!

  • http://www.thatgirlshelley.com/blog That Girl Shelley

    Love the list! I say thank you but I don’t include the retweeted info.

  • Camea

    So needed this today…phew think I passed with a 97% Still in learning mode… you Rock!!!

  • http://www.pammarketingnut.com PamMktgNut

    Actually I don’t take my self too seriously which is why I write posts like this to have fun. Definitely would not ever call myself a “guru” at anything @alisoncummings:disqus.

  • Ash Francis

    Rule 25: Clever.

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